Dear Diet
by SimplyMatt
Summary: Tired of his current weight, Edward joins a slimming club with his sister, Alice. While there, he meets the stand in consultant Jasper, a tall and slim guy who doesn't belong in a place for overweight people; or so Edward thinks. Will Edward get over his self torture enough to see past his own weight, and take a chance on finding love?
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone. Seems a while since I last wrote a fan fiction, but this one started whispering in my ear when I joined Slimming World and is now writing itself. In the story I mention 'syns' a few times, these are just part of the weight loss programme they use, like points for Weight Watchers.**

**Big thanks to my good friend Cheryll for pre reading, and my amazing beta ****harrytwifan for her care and support.**

**I own nothing other than plot, all characters belong to Madam Meyer, and Slimming World belongs to the creators of a fantastic diet (lost almost a stone and a half so far)**

**For those who need to know, there are 14 pounds to one stone, just for my none british readers :-)**

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**Wednesday 24th July 2013 - Week One**

_Think skinny thoughts, think skinny thoughts. No more burgers, no more chips. Bye-bye, life as I know it,_ I tell myself while sitting next to my sister, Alice, at our very first meeting. All I love is about to be no more. Sweet, glorious food to be replaced by lettuce and tomatoes - great! May as well kill myself now!

How did I manage to allow her to persuade me to come here, to admit, in front of everyone, that I'm fat? Okay, I guess you don't have to be a brainiac to see I'm carrying a few extra pounds around the middle, but that doesn't mean I want to be subjected to group humiliation!

"Edward, relax," Alice says, interrupting my self loathing. "We are doing this _together_, fatties united," she whispers, causing me to splutter on the water I sipped from my bottle.

Ignoring the sound of tutting from a woman behind us, I lean into my sister's seat so I won't be heard. "I don't think they like being called _fatties united_, sis. Personally, I think it's hysterical, but I don't think it's right to call each other names. Remind me to get you a shirt with that on it for Christmas," I tell her, before relaxing back in my seat to wait for the group leader to arrive.

Behind the small cluster of seats set out for new members, the devoted group of calorie counters are gathering to weigh in, all stressing over potential gains. Alice and I are the only two new members so far, and it's me who is here due to overeating, and not to lose the half a stone of post pregnancy fat my sister has to 'suffer' with. Her words, not mine.

I've hit twenty seven years, and already my weight has ballooned to such a degree, its not only difficult to find nice clothes in my size, but I have to contend with people never believing Alice _is_ my identical sister; minus the gender. Whereas, I look at a piece of food and the fat goes straight to my stomach; Alice has been skinny since we came out of the womb. People always joke that I must have eaten all the nutrients my mother consumed while pregnant; not funny the first time I heard it, and even less amusing twenty seven years later!

Okay, I'm not like too-fat-to-walk kind of overweight, but shit got serious when my doctor warned me about the possibility of getting diabetes. So, it was either diet or die; or so my over-dramatic mother pleaded with me when we left the clinic. In true mother fashion, she also refused to let me buy a farewell can of divine, full-fat cola, while sobbing into a hankie and blaming herself. Way to take the spotlight, Mother!

Like the tag team they always are, my mother decided to round up Alice in a bid to help me 'fight the bulge'. My mother suggested surgery, no thank you, but Alice had a better idea . . . kinda; fat class. Or should I say, _Slimming World._ Calling it fat class is a no-no, apparently.

"Isn't this exciting?" Alice asks. Before I get a chance to smile, her next words freeze my lips in place. "A whole evening off from being a mum, sixty glorious minutes to myself. It's about time Emmett pulled his weight in this relationship."

Sighing, while trying not to think about my sister's husband of two years, and his raging biceps, I let out a long breath before responding. "Are you going to take this seriously, Alice? I'm here because you and Mum ganged up on me to come, so no way are you thinking of this as a 'get out of jail free card'."

My sister turns to face me, a soft smile on her face. "I am here for you, bro. Believe me, I want to lose weight as much as you do. I have another advantage for coming."

"Okay," I murmur, looking down at my belly and wishing it away, to no avail. "Nothing says 'step away from the cookie jar' than the prospect you might die, huh?"

Alice does this annoying flick of her long, brown hair, to emphasise her frustration. "Wow, sometimes I forget you _really_ are a drama queen! You're not that fat, Edward. Emmett went to the doctor for back pain, and they told him to lose weight, and he's a personal trainer. Fuck, I think they say that for everything nowadays." Her voice changes to mimic a man, one I assume she thinks is my doctor. _"Ah, Mrs. McCarty, here about the job application, I see. Well, I really think you need to lose a few pounds before you die . . . _blah, blah, blah_."_ We both laugh. "Emmett's doctor is much bigger than you, and he told _Emmett_ to lose weight. Hello!"

"We should have asked Emmett to set up a fitness regime for us. I bet that would work," I offer.

Alice looks at me aghast. "I had his child! I'm allowed to carry some weight, so there is no way I'm sweating it out. Besides, a woman I work with told me this works, so I would rather eat right and sit on my skinny bitch arse all day, thank you kindly."

We're both so busy laughing and mimicking doctors who should take their own advice, neither of us hear the approach of footsteps, until I hear a deep voice beside me. "That's what I like to see; people happy about starting a slimming club."

Alice and I turn to the sound of the voice. Our eyes are greeted by a guy with dark brown hair and amber eyes. His navy blue t-shirt clings to his body in a way suggesting, unlike me, he doesn't need to go on a diet. "My name's Jasper, and I'll be standing in for Esme tonight. She will be your weekly counselor, but she is sunning it up in Spain at the moment, so you will have to endure me, I'm afraid," he says, winking our way before continuing. "And you are?"

"In love!" Alice tells him, before elbowing me in the side. "Do you come with the diet, Jasper?"

Great! My sister chooses this moment, this very one, to embarrass me in front of this guy who must be a model. He has to be! But why the hell he is here I will never understand. Turns out I am about to 'understand', because his next words fill me in.

With amusement to his voice, clearly ignoring Alice's moment of insanity, he tells us about the diet we are about to start on. "Well, believe me, this _does_ work. I myself lost twelve stone in three years," he tells us proudly, ignoring the exclaim of 'bollocks' coming from Alice.

I assess his body with a critical eye, looking for signs of saggy skin, anything that would suggest he used to carry so much weight. Nothing! All I see before me is a healthy guy of around eleven stone, at least - about the size of one of my legs! To me, he looks perfect without even trying.

"Yes, twelve stone!" he chuckles. "If you stick to the plan, the weight will fall off. And not just that, but you can eat what you want. What sounds better than that?"

"Him, spread on a cracker with a side of Brad Pitt, thank you, please." Alice takes advantage of the fact Jasper is rummaging through some boxes to tell me this. She smiles that butter wouldn't melt bollocks when he looks our way again, as he hands us both our starter packs.

Sending a sharp elbow to the ribs her way, I lean on the small table and look through the pack Jasper starts going over with us. After several minutes delighting in the sound of his voice, and taking little to nothing in, Alice and I follow Jasper to the moment of dread. I take a second to admire his arse before the scales will scream below me.

"You don't have to look so worried, Edward." Jasper tells me, his warm eyes filling me with a moment of warmth. "Jessica will be the _only_ person who will see what the scales say, other than you, I mean. Unless you choose to share, which you don't have to, the secret is all yours. We do not discuss weight in class."

He winks at me again, pulling the breath from my lungs. When his hand settles for a second on my shoulder, I can feel movement in a place I _really_ don't want to. Shit! Swallowing, I try to clear my mind of lustful thoughts. Standing at the small waiting sign, I watch as my sister steps onto the scales.

"What? Fifteen stone. _Fifteen!_ My scales said fourteen and a half." Alice grumbles a little too loudly, enough to have Jasper coming over to comfort her and lead her to some vacant seats.

Fuck! If she weighs fifteen stone and doesn't look overweight, what the hell will the scales say for me? Panicking, I walk towards the metallic scales to the sound of the death march ringing in my head.

_Think thin, think thin._ I plead with myself again, ignoring the happy smile from the young girl looking up at me.

"Ready when you are, luv," she says, asking me to do something I can't seem to will my legs to comprehend.

The thought of getting on the scales and risk breaking them terrifies me, has my guts churning. _Will they scream 'get off' or 'no bus parties' when I get on? _

Fuck!

Closing my eyes, I put my best foot forward, trying to fight back the tears and remind myself this is the right thing; a start to a great end. A first step for fat-kind . . . Okay, bad Neil Armstrong impression. I need to think about the bigger picture, about feeling comfortable in my skin for once in my life. Wanting to get up in the morning and not hide under my duvet with cola and a bag of crisps. Bye-bye to secret eating, and hello, new me. I want to look like the guy in my head, the one with the same emerald eyes and dark hair, with a little less of a cake shelf around the middle.

"All done. You can get off, Edward," Jessica tells me, causing me to snap my eyes open.

"Th . . .thanks," I mumble, offering a small smile, before I take my weight book from her and hurry to find Alice.

Sighing, I relax into my seat, before nervously opening my book to see the dreaded number. There they are, in print for my eyes only, numbers I hope to see go down if this diet works. Also, ones I have to stop my sister taking a peek at.

I close my eyes while thinking a silent prayer. _Please let it work. I don't want to be nineteen and a half stone. I want to be thin; to find love. I don't want to be alone anymore._ When I open my eyes to look back at the room, I see the many people sitting in their seats, all of them laughing and talking amongst themselves. While Jasper goes over everyone's losses; or gains, in some cases. Amongst the many women, I am pleased to see I'm not the only man, but I am by far the biggest. Great!

"It's not that I didn't keep to the diet as such, it's just I forgot vodka has syns. So when I was halfway through the bottle, I thought I had to see the task through to the end, and the next day my head told me I won't be doing that again," a middle-aged woman with dyed, red hair says.

Jasper, along with the rest of the room, chuckles at the woman's admission. "And the fry up I saw you update on your Facebook status, I assume that was not 'counted' either?" he teases, causing the rest of the room to chortle again. "Well, a two-pound gain isn't too bad, and you have lost three stone. You need to pull it back, which I know you can do."

Watching Jasper speak to the room, I can't seem to prevent my cheeks warming at the way he handles himself, how he commands everyone's attention. He isn't just attractive. He is nice without even trying.

"Lust at first sight, little bro?" Alice mutters into my ear. "Dare you to ask him how many syns cum has."

I have to cough to hide my burst of laughter at such an inappropriate time, when a woman is telling the group she recently lost her dog. Great! Way to make an arse of yourself the first week, Edward.

When all eyes are back on Jasper, I lean into Alice. "I am _not _asking that, and I am not lusting over him," I say, before sitting back in my chair and flicking through the pages of my new diet book.

Alice is back at my ear, never one to pay attention in class, which has me remembering school and the numerous tellings off she received from her teachers. "Much! Anyway, Emmett wanted me to check. I have to be a good wife, after all."

Feeling rather sick, I move into the vacant seat beside me so I can feel a little less dirty. I even have to ignore the old woman leaning into Alice to inform her that cum is actually calorie free, and high in protein. Again, I feel sick.

Almost an hour later, Jasper is bringing the meeting to a close, giving Alice the freedom she needs to speak again. I'm more than a little impressed she has managed to shut the fuck up for the rest of the class. "Time for a final curry, I think, don't you?" Alice asks from my side, while filling her bag with our books.

My mouth waters at the thought of tasting the spices on my tongue, feeling the tender meat on my lips as I devour the processed grease, but from the corner of my eye, Jasper catches my attention. Looking his way, I admire the way his t-shirt stretches with his toned muscles as he lifts boxes onto a table, noticing the bead of sweat falling down his face from sweet perspiration.

Although I find myself following Alice towards the door, I can't keep from looking back at him, capturing as much eye time as I can before I never see him again. When I am about to exit the meeting hall, his voice has me looking back into the room.

"Have a great first week, Edward. My number is on the pack if you need any help or . . . anything," he says, and something tells me he sent a wink my way, which is preposterous; no way. "See a slimmer you next week."

The last thing I see, as Alice pulls me through the door, are his amber eyes and smiling face.

Next week can't come fast enough.

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**Author Note – Hope you all enjoyed my new story, I will try to update every week. Let me know your thoughts.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I am amazed by the positive response towards this story, and so glad people can relate to Edward, and are fully supporting him in his attempt to shed the weight.**

**Sorry to all the people unfamiliar with stones, but I have amended my author note in chapter one so you will hopefully know the conversion.**

**Big thanks to Cheryl for pre reading, and the BRILLIANT Harrytwifan for sticking with me.**

**I own only plot, everything else is the ownership of Mrs Meyer and Slimming World.**

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**Wednesday 31st July 2013 - Week Two - Current weight - 19 Stone, 7 Pounds.**

I really thought nothing could be as bad as stepping onto the scales for the first time, but knowing I am moments away from my first 'official' weigh-in since starting last week is leaving me a little lightheaded. Here I am feeling sick, when all week I have prayed for some kind of illness, anything to give me an extra fighting chance when today came, only to be rewarded with sweet nothing. Now look at me, trying not to empty the small contents of my stomach all over the new carpet the hall had fitted.

"I don't see that cutie anywhere," Alice interrupts my mental ramblings. Without even asking who she means, my eyes scour the room for signs of Jasper.

Nothing!

The familiar faces of the women from last week stand in line with my sister and I, waiting our turn to be told if we have gained or lost, and nothing to distract me from my own self turmoil.

"Hmmm," is all I manage to say, while watching the once long line decrease at a rate I wish would slow down.

Alice laughs while nudging me in the side. "Awww, worried about weigh in, little bro?" she teases. "Well, I'm sure you did okay, unless you cheated, of course. Did you, cheat, I mean?"

A peculiar sensation of eavesdropping has me closing the distance between us, my voice a lot lower than normal. "You know I didn't," I tell her, remembering how worried I was to even let one syn pass my lips, let alone over-indulge. "And it was bloody hard, too! You try working in an office full of feeders," I grumble.

Since leaving university, I have become one of the many office workers in this country, my days spent dealing with technophobic idiots who can't seem to work a computer. Yes, I work in an IT department, fixing computers my company is too cheap to upgrade. This includes unjamming keyboards, which have been stuck down by either spillages of fizzy pop, or worse - nail varnish! How managers cannot see this as a clear sign of idle hands is beyond me.

Every day, where I suffer through the mundane nine-to-five, it seems to be someone's birthday, or some other event which has endless cakes and treats decorating my place of work. If there is something to celebrate, there is something to eat to go with it. Not that I used to complain, though. Even when food was brought in just because summer had finally come, I was more than happy to eat my weight in doughnuts.

Since starting this diet I have been like a trooper, I've struggled through, trying not to salivate over the rich treats while snacking on fruit I had packed in my lunchbox. I may not have gone hungry since starting this diet, but being full has never stopped me from eating before; something which will never change. I didn't get fat from not eating. I admit I like my food; sadly, though, it doesn't like me. In fact, food likes nothing better than to leave its ugly reminder in the form of my belly hanging over my belt.

"Stop moaning, Edward. Think of poor me, sitting on the sofa watching cooking programmes all day. I managed to keep to the diet, though," Alice gloats with pride. "I swear, I am _so _over daytime TV. People say being a mother is the best experience in the world, but what they fail to tell you is just how boring it can get. All my friends work, and the ones that do call me, seem to think all I want to talk about are babies and bloody soap operas! I miss reading."

"And you haven't found the change in diet challenging at all?" I ask, trying to hide my frustrations from the fact it seems only I have struggled with the longing for a multi-pack of Walkers crisps.

Alice laughs as if my question was a joke, an air of superiority coming off her. "Not once. I guess I don't struggle with food as much as some."

As she takes off her shoes and makes her way to the scales, I fight back the urge to trip her up for her smugness, choosing instead to look around the room once again for signs of Jasper.

All the class members who have weighed in are sat on the seats and talking amongst themselves. Some even look my way and grin as they sip on drinks they made in the nearby kitchen. Faces I have seen over the course of the week look back at me, strangers with the same goal, who I have passed in the supermarket or on the way to work. Never once did any of us stop to speak, opting instead to offer a knowing nod or small smile. Even though I was happy to spot these people out and about, they always left me feeling a little disappointed, as none of them were the one person I _had_ wanted to see again. Not that I would have spoken to him.

My shyness would have kept me at bay from the man whose number I keyed into my phone the second I got home, after my first class. The same eleven digits which pulled a whimper of shock from my lips when I saw an incoming text just a few days later.

**Nice to meet you Edward. Have a great first week. Jasper.**

Eleven words ringing in my head like a perfect song, even causing my heart to prolong its beat while my nervous fingers clicked the _read_ button on my mobile. Even now as I wait in line, I am chastising myself for the crap response I sent back; a very boring 'thanks', like his words meant nothing to me. They did, though. They had my head running away into fantasy, my mind playing out a life I know I will forever be too afraid to act upon.

I don't even know if Jasper is gay. How the hell do I bring that up in conversation? _Why, hello there, Jasper, do you prefer sausage or taco?_ Yeah, so I won't _ever_ say that to him, but somehow I now have a strong hankering for a taco filled with spicy sausages! Great, always thinking about food! This is so typical of me. Why do I always think about eating?

"I so cheated this week. I blame the kids having to bake cakes for school. Bloody teachers, thinking I have nothing better to do but bake in an evening," a woman says to her friend behind me. I can't help but turn back and smile at the large lady with bright pink hair and a pierced lip.

I am about to find my voice and speak to someone I have never spoken to before, coming out of my comfort zone, when the shrill voice belonging to my sister pulls my attention her way. "What do you mean four pounds on? Check again!" Alice demands, her dark brown eyes staring down at Jessica in anger. "It has to be wrong!"

Silence falls across the room, leaving only Jessica's timid voice to echo through the hall. "The scales never lie, sweetie. You had a gain; it happens," she says, trying to keep her voice as low as possible.

Alice doesn't reply. Instead, she collects her shoes and bags and marches towards a vacant seat, collapsing into it like a petulant child.

"Y . . . your turn, Edward," Jessica calls to me with a timid tone, her face flush with shock.

Swallowing, I walk towards the place she is seated, before taking off my shoes and handing her my weigh-in card and book.

"Sorry about that," I whisper, thankful people have begun chatting again.

"It happens, honey. Ready when you are," she replies, her hands shaking a little as she picks up her pen. Clearly how my sister reacted doesn't happenas often as she told me.

I step onto the scales at the same time the door to the hall opens, and my eyes are greeted to the arrival of Jasper, causing my breath to hitch in my throat. Unable to do anything else, I watch him walk across the room, greeting all the members, before looking my way and waving; a broad smile on his face. How is it he is more attractive the second time I see him than the first? Like before, he is dressed in fashionable clothing I wish I could buy; a burgundy fitted t-shirt over black jeans. Around his neck is a red scarf, hung loosely down his chest.

From where I am standing, I feel uneasy, dressed in the same clothes I wore on my first week, too afraid to wear anything other in case it adds to my weight-loss. Yes, it may sound stupid, but in my head it makes perfect sense.

Still looking my way, Jasper has my eyes captivated, all other thoughts chased away by his arrival. I am so lost in his gaze that Jessica almost has to shout to gain my attention. "Edward, all done, darling."

Shaking myself, I hope she didn't notice the way I jumped in surprise. I smile down at the girl with blonde hair and collect my shoes from the floor, all the time unable to hear what she is telling me while taking my card and book from her.

Trying to remain in complete control of and not scour the room to find Jasper again, I make my way to Alice and sit beside her, my cheeks heating from an apparent blush. "Well?" she snaps, still cross from her gain, "Did you put on, too? Don't worry about it, I don't think this diet works at all," Alice twitters at my side, my head unable to take in what she is saying as I hear approaching footsteps, followed by a happy greeting.

"How did my two newbies do in their first week?" Jasper asks, taking the vacant seat beside me without invitation, and turning to face us both.

"Crap!" Alice barks, before elaborating to Jasper, telling him she didn't once cheat. "All I had was food from the booklet. This sucks," she tells him, a scowl wrinkling her brow.

"And that packet of crisps," I catch myself saying, without looking towards Jasper.

Feeling Alice's penetrating glare, I look to my sister and offer a small smile. "And the fish and chips you and Emmett had on Saturday. Oh, and the curry you and mum went for, and then there was that chocolate cake - you ate those, too," I say, unable to stop my ramblings.

Ever since I was a child, I have always seemed unable to keep the truth from falling from my lips, even without anyone asking for my input. This is something my sister has always hated, especially when my revelations landed her in bother with our mother.

"What are you, the fucking diet police?" she snaps, getting to her feet. "I'm going to get a drink, unless that's not allowed, Edward!" She doesn't wait for my reply. Instead, she marches from the room and into the kitchen.

Jasper lets out a soft chuckle, while relaxing back into his seat. "She is a fiery one, your sister," he says, still laughing to himself.

From the corner of my eye, I can see he is looking my way between greeting club members as they pass. "Yeah, she has her moments," I tell him, my throat burning with dryness. Swallowing, I turn towards him and force a smile on my face, looking away when our eyes connect.

Jasper chuckles again, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his thighs. "How did you do this week, Ed?" he asks, shortening my name like we have been friends for years.

I have always hated being called Ed, yet when Jasper says it, I can't seem to help but smile and have that strange fluttering sensation in my chest. "I . . . I don't _actually_ know," I say, realising I hadn't heard when Jessica had told me.

Opening my book, I flick through the pages to the back where my weight is recorded, prepared to see what the judgemental scales have to say. For a few moments, I gaze at the page in disbelief, my head assuming my eyes have misread the numbers. Written in a neat scroll is my current weight, along with a minus six detail.

"I . . . I think I might have lost six pounds." I stammer, my voice barely a whisper.

Jasper pats me on the back, his voice happy and sincere when he speaks. "Well done, Ed. That's almost half a stone in one week. You must be thrilled!"

I am . . . I mean, I should be. Yet sitting beside Jasper, I can't seem to think of anything other than the fact his hand is still on my back, held there a moment longer than needed, before he removes it. Even though I should be trying to do back flips, which would _never _happen at my current level of fitness, all I seem able to focus on is the way his breath washes across my face when he moves in close to speak to me.

"That is really amazing, Ed. Wait until your girlfriend sees you, she will think a new man has walked in the door,"

Turning my head to face his, I clear my throat before replying. "I don't, I mean, well, I don't have a girlfriend."

Jasper smiles again, his brown eyes sparkling under the bright lights of the room. "No girlfriend? Noted," he says, laughing as he sits back in his seat when Esme calls the room to order for the class to begin.

Although I am looking at the group consultant, my thoughts are on the last thing Jasper said. He can't mean what I thought, can he?

Alice sits back beside me and hands me a cup of hot tea, which I hold in my hand while watching the the ripples of liquid starting to settle. I just wish my head could do the same. Taking a long gulp of my drink, I try to pretend to be interested in what Esme is telling us, but like naughty children in the back of class, Jasper and my sister are chattering across me.

"After the meeting, a few of us go for drinks at the pub across the road. You guys up for a little light syn'ing?" Jasper mutters.

"Make it a lot of syn'ing and you have a deal," Alice replies, not caring about her husband and daughter, who will be waiting at home.

Jasper nudges me with his knee, keeping his voice low. "Ed, drink?"

Knowing I should encourage my sister to get back to her family, the thought of going home to an empty flat has me nodding silently.

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**Time to mention, I had a gain last week, sob, sob, but I had drank and eaten what I wanted at Manchester Pride so it was expected. Back on it now though. Good Luck to all you slimmer's **


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey everyone. Sorry for the late update, life through a spanner in the works for me this time. **

**I'm loving all the reviews from you all, and would like to thank the lovely Harrytwifan for all her hard work on this, and her patience with me. Big love to Cheryl, the woman who keeps me sane and pre reads for me.**

**As always, I do not own the boys, or the Slimming world diet.**

**For none British readers, Edwards current weight is 267.4 pounds or 121.29 kilo's (providing I have worked this our right).**

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**Wednesday 7th August 2013 - Week Three - Current weight - 19 Stone, 1 Pound.**

I hate this part of group; the seemingly endless time it takes me from arriving, to stepping on the platform of judgment. Did I do well? Have I managed to shed more weight, or was my first week a fluke? I really wish I could just go in and get it over with, without the waiting around.

Enough of the self torment!

I have had one great week, and it all happened when I left this place last time, when Jasper took us to the local pub. Allowing myself to become lost in my head, I drift back to the moment seven days ago when I stepped out of the norm and did something fun, for once. Edward Cullen, doing something other than overdosing on secret eating.

One thing I immediately learned about Jasper: He's not just attractive, giving off the impression that life can be great with a single smile, but he also grossly over-exaggerated the meaning of the word _local_.

"Jesus Christ, are we there yet?" Alice voiced the words running around my head on an endless loop.

After leaving the meeting hall, we both naively expected to go into the local social club down the road. We might have been stupid, but it was the only local establishment to serve alcohol nearby. But no! Jasper led us in the complete opposite direction, and we were still walking after a good twenty minutes. Not a huge amount of time, but every step seemed to be up a never-ending hill. I decided to dub it Mount Killer, and come back with a sign to stick to a tree warning all overweight and unfit people to be smart and take the bloody bus! It probably made me sound lazy, and I was giving off the impression fat people can't walk very far, but when five buses drove past and we were still walking, I wanted to stick my arm out and jump on.

"Body magic, Alice, body magic," Jasper chuckled, looking back at us. Not a single bead of sweat graced his brow, unlike the little Niagara streaming over my body.

Alice looked like Sissy Spacek in Carrie, only her sweat replaced the pig's blood.

"If body magic _actually_ existed, I would be at home overdosing on Krispy Kreme after screaming Abrakadabra!" she wheezed, reaching out for my arm so I could drag her along.

By the time the light of the pub came into sight, sparkling through the fall of velvet night, we seemed to catch our last wind and almost ran towards the building. It wasn't the prospect of having a drink that got me moving, but the thought of finding a chair to sit down. My shins ached as they always did when I walked anywhere; another reason I wanted to shed the pounds.

In true Alice style, my sister burst through the doors of the quiet village pub, and bulldozed her way through the bar. Fortunately, the place was relatively empty, so no casualties were caused, only some loud snorts of disapproval from the locals. I sent them all an apology with a small, weary smile.

After taking a few seconds to catch my breath, I followed Jasper to a small table with a couple of the women from weigh-in, who somehow managed to beat us to it. I didn't realised Jasper extended the invitation, so a little pang pulled at my heart when I realised I would have to share him.

"Ladies, you know Edward, right?" He smiled down at the small gathering.

I stood there, willing my body not to collapse into a seat near me, trying to control my breathing.

The two older women smiled up at me, both in their early forties. "Hi, Edward. My name's Bree, and this is Maria," Her long, brown hair peppered with newly showing grey.

"You boys want some wine?" Maria asked, looking at us both with fondness.

Without getting a chance to worry about the syns, Alice collapsed into a seat at the table with her own bottle of wine, and pork scratchings. "Finally! Feels like I've starved myself all week," she grumbled, struggling to tear open the packet of baked animal fat. Giving in, she used her teeth like an animal.

Jasper cleared his throat, taking a vacant seat, and indicated for me to have the one between him and Bree. "This is our weekly endeavour, kind of like a pat on the back after a good week," he said, looking towards my sister. "Alice, didn't you gain this week? Maybe you should start food optimising and not eating and drinking your syns," he told her, his voice a little shaky compared to how he had spoken to us since we met.

I wondered if he was afraid of the backlash his comment might cause, expecting my sister to turn green and trample him into the ground for coming between her and feeding time. Luckily, Alice simply gave him a dark look while munching on her food.

While light conversation happened around me, I remained in my seat. I felt like a nervous child, sat with my hands clasped together between my thighs, and my head down so I wouldn't make eye contact with the others. For some reason, I couldn't help feeling on show, and I hated it. I wanted to run back to my empty flat and hide away from all the eyes around me. When I did finally look up, I realised nobody was even looking my way. Instead, the group was talking amongst themselves without forcing my participation.

Around the table, they laughed about their experiences over the week, joking about their weight gain and how they would kill for a takeaway curry. These people didn't care about how my jeans, although a little looser, still dug into my waist, or that my top was a cheap one from the only shop to sell my size. Not a single one of them seemed bothered about the extra weight I was carrying, because they all had the same thing going on; except for Jasper, of course, who had already reached his target.

Feeling unjudged, I allowed myself to open up a little, enough to laugh at jokes I didn't find funny, and agree with things I normally would argue.

Looking back, I'm kind of annoyed at myself now, but the voice of Jasper beside me started to melt my barriers, as he turned his attention my way.

...

"Your turn, Edward," Jessica calls to me from the weigh-in area. She looks less frightened than she did the _last_ time she recorded how my sister had done; who skips past me happily.

Handing her my weigh-in card and book, I remove my jacket and shoes, and step onto the scales. The numbers on the small LCD screen seem to be at war with one another, arguing amongst themselves about what my current weight is. Looking down, I plead for them to keep decreasing, and not play the tug of war I seem to be witnessing. Holding my breath from fear any oxygen will allow the larger numbers to win out, I watch with care when the scales beep at the stopping of the numbers.

"Well done, Edward. Another three pounds off!" Jessica tells me, her voice low so only I can hear. Her excitement is evident. "You get your first award tonight, babes, so I'll give Esme your book and she will give it back to you later. Congratulations!"

I don't know what she means by award, but I step from the scales and take back my card and collect my clothes. Walking over to Alice, who seems to be struggling with opening a box of Hi-Fi bars, a Slimming World product, I feel a slight relief I haven't gained.

"Yes!" she declares when I sit beside her, the bar now open and ready to be devoured. Ignoring the manners our mother instilled in us, she takes a large bite, then speaks through a mouthful of whatever the fuck bar she bought is made from. "Lost three pounds. Race to size zero, here I come!" She beams.

For the past few days, my sister has become obsessed with a TV show featuring girls in America who wear this size clothing. Although they look ill, she has decided she will be one of them.

"I doubt those girls eat much more than lettuce, and you don't have the bone structure to be that tiny," I tell her, ignoring the hurt look in her eyes. "Oh, don't give me that look. We have normal bones, not the hollow ones those twig bitches in the magazines have."

Although she is smiling this time, tears are falling down her face. "Edward, that has to be the nicest thing you have ever said to me."

Rolling my eyes, I sit back in my chair while she opens another bar, so I can go back to my musings from the pub. I'm not at all bothered she didn't ask how I did; I'm glad she is happy. I doubt the box of six bars she bought tonight will last the week, or will make it past class.

…

"You can talk, you know. We won't bite," Jasper told me in a whisper, his lips dangerously close to my ear.

I swallowed the dryness of my throat and turned to look into the depths of his brown eyes, searching for my voice. "I . . . have nothing to say. I'm happy to listen," I told him, stammering over my words.

When he smiled, I groaned, fighting off the fantasies inside me of our lips meeting for even a few, short seconds.

"Come to the bar with me, I need a drink," he said, moving a fallen curl from his face.

Nodding, I got to my feet and followed Jasper to the bar. When a young barmaid came over, he greeted her with a cheery voice and a broad smile. "Hi, darling, can I get a pint of beer and . . . Edward?"

Unsure of what to say, I looked at the items at the bar and wondered how many syns were in each one, those to fill me with less guilt later on. Sensing I had remained silent for an abnormal amount of time, I cleared my throat. "Same . . . please."

Jasper seemed pleased with my choice, and took a twenty pound note from his pocket and placed it on the bar, turning towards me. "What's wrong?" he asked, somehow sensing my inner worries.

Shrugging my shoulders, I gnawed my lower lip for a second. "Just wondering how many syns tonight is going to cost me," I told him, faking a laugh.

My declaration had me feeling stupid, and I looked to the ground when Jasper replied. "Answer me this. How many syns do you use during the week?"

Confused, I gazed up at him again, thinking over my first week; mentally calculating what I had done. "About ten," I finally said.

Jasper chuckled over the rim of his pint glass, taking a long gulp before wiping his sweet, cherry lips. "Everyday you can use between ten to fifteen syns, on top of all the free and super free food. If we over indulge a little tonight, you have the whole week to get back on track, but don't worry. I only plan on having three or four pints tonight. You don't mind syn'ing with me, do you, Edward?"

I choked on the mouthful of beer I just swallowed, something he found incredibly amusing. The way he said the last part, though, was almost like he added a little allure to his tone, but I had to have misread it. By the time I shook the thoughts from my mind, Jasper had taken another drink, never taking his eyes from mine.

Unsure of what to do or say, I offered a small smile and looked back at the three women we were meant to be with. "Maybe we should go back and join them," I said, looking back into his smiling face, and trying to mirror it.

"Maybe," he replied, as his tongue glided across his lips. "Come on."

Taking my drink from the bar, I followed him back towards the table. All three women seemed to stop talking the moment we arrived, remaining silent until they fell about laughing in unison.

"Care to share the joke?" Jasper asked, sitting back in his seat as I did mine.

"Bree, Maria, and I were just saying how much of a waste it is you're gay, Jasper," Alice said. Her words were slurred a little from the half bottle of wine she somehow managed to consume in the short amount of time we were at the bar.

It was moments like these I wished I'd chosen to sit beside her, because for the life of me I couldn't seem to kick her under the large table. Hoping my glare was enough, I silently scolded my sister, who decided to ignore me, curling her hair through her fingers and looking at Jasper.

"What makes you so sure I'm gay, Alice?" he asked, sounding unfazed by my sister's rudeness.

Alice took a long drink from her glass, filling it again from her half empty bottle. "Well, you know how to dress; not many straight men wear designer jeans. Fuck, half of them don't even know what a designer is," she began. I looked at his black pants and wondered what designer they could be, if they were, in fact, designer. Fashion wasn't my forte. "And you're far too cute to like girls."

It was at that point I wished someone would come into the bar and shoot me, or at the very least, my sister. Jasper appeared highly amused by her, though, and leaned in towards her, his voice slow and sultry. "You think I'm attractive, do you?" he asked her, his face so close to hers it looked as if they could kiss at any moment.

My breath hitched in my throat as I watched the devastating scene in front of me, witnessing the man I found so attractive about to lock lips with Alice - a sister I was currently thinking of a thousand different ways to cause pain to. Fighting the urge to reach out and pull him back, I remained seated with my lip pouting as Jasper looked into my sister's eyes. At any other time but this, I would've found the look on my sister's face amusing, the way she resembled a pre-pubescent teenager, yet at that precise moment, I felt nothing more than pending betrayal.

Alice closed her eyes for a few seconds, readying her lips to meet with his. Jasper decided to take her wine-filled glass from the table and sat back in his seat, emptying its contents down his throat. When he finished, he placed the glass back down and spoke; chuckling at my sister, who still had her eyes closed.

"Sorry darling. I decided from a very young age, although I love women, there is no way I want to get naked with one," he joked, laughing at the frustrated look on Alice's face when she opened her eyes to find no kiss, and no wine. "Call me boobaphobic, but the thought of having them bouncing around in front of me kinda makes me feel nauseous."

"Bastard!" Alice barked, looking at her empty glass. "I'm okay with you not kissing me, but drink my wine again, and I will shove this bottle where the sun doesn't shine."

The table erupted with laughter from all parties, and the evening proceeded with all of us getting louder the more alcohol we consumed. Jokes were fired around the room, and I even joined in, declaring Bree and Maria my new fag hags; something they seemed to be pleased about. All this was so new to the Edward Cullen who shied away from this kind of thing, but in the moment, I didn't care.

"I'm off outside to pollute my lungs. Coming, Ed?" Jasper said, much to the disapproval of the women, who fired words of disgust his way from such a dirty habit. He didn't seem to care, nor did he wait for me to answer when he took my hand and led me into the coldness of night.

The harsh weather reacted with the copious amounts of booze I had consumed. I felt a little uneasy on my feet when Jasper led me under the empty smoking shelter and lit up a cigarette, offering me one. Refusing, I watched as he placed the butt to his lips and sucked on the nicotine.

With his free hand resting on the wall behind me, he took another drag and released the smoke in small circles. "I should kick this habit, but nothing tastes better with a pint than a cigarette," he told me, his eyes locked with mine.

The shelter was shrouded in a dim light, and due to the small amount of space, I had little choice but to inhale his second-hand smoke. Placing the cigarette between his lips, he fingered my hair, and I shuddered with delight under his touch. My old self came back in droves, and I moved further back into the wall, afraid I was about to fall victim to a malicious joke.

"Do you know how cute you are, Edward?" he asked. I looked his way again, preparing myself for people to jump out and scream, 'We got you!'

"You're drunk. You must have beer goggles on," I told him, with a fake, joking tone.

I might have an okay face, but how could anyone find me attractive? The thought alone was laughable.

Jasper rested his fingers under my chin and led my face back to his. He looked at me for several seconds, and took a final drag on his cigarette before he stubbed it out in the bin beside us.

"I think you're attractive," he said. He watched me with interest, moving his face towards me to place his lips over mine in a lingering kiss.

My entire body prickled with goose pimples when my mouth danced with his. When his tongue entered my mouth, I couldn't stop myself from groaning in delight. Somehow, no longer caring that this may be a joke, I closed my eyes and pulled Jasper's body into mine. When he reached his hand under my shirt to tease my nipple, I didn't force him away like I normally would when anyone came too close to my body. It might have been because I was intoxicated, but his fingers on my skin felt fantastic. Even the taste of the mix of beer and tobacco seemed right, like it was the most mouth-watering flavour there was.

Neither of us broke the exchange, both of us lost in our kiss as we explored one another. When his hand moved to my groin, I didn't flinch at the thought he could feel my stiffening erection. Even as his fingers pulled down the zip of my jeans, I didn't force him away. I wanted nothing more than to have his hand around my cock, and mine his.

Only when we heard a drunken voice did we stop kissing and touching.

"Edward, I don't feel well," Alice said beside us, before throwing up at our feet.

…

All week I have thought about the kiss, missing the taste of him in my mouth and his touch on my body. When he texted me the next day, I was just happy it hadn't all been a dream. He said he liked it; he liked me. Jasper likes me!

As drunk as my sister was, she didn't realise she had fumbled into anything, or if she had, she chose not to mention it. Luckily!

"We have an award this week, guys. Well done to Edward on his first half a stone in just two weeks, losing a total of nine pounds so far," Esme declares, making me jump and blush at all the applause.

I had been so lost in my head, I'd forgotten we were still at fat class, and when I take back my book, certificate, and sticker from Esme, with a _7Ib lost_ sign on, I can't keep from beaming. Why should I? I have never lost any weight previously, let alone half a stone.

"Well done, brother," Alice says from my side. "Oh, what happened to Jasper?"

Following her gaze, I look towards the door of the hall to see Jasper walking through, sporting a black eye and a cut lip. The wounds appear old, like they were done a few days prior. When I hear women whispering behind me, I am overcome with guilt.

"Oh no, looks like Riley beat him up again. Poor Jasper."

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**Hope the chapter was worth the wait. Will try to be faster next time. Happy weight loss to all those doing it – currently on 2 stone 2 pounds lost **


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for the late update, everything is mega busy my end with my novella being released this Tuesday. Shameful self pimpage, but be sure to check Amazon out and the author name M. C. Rayne – if your not friend with me on facebook of course. **

**I am 'planning' on banking a few chapters so I can update weekly throughout November so I can focus on the Nano writing event. Remember I said planning, I will do my best for you hehe.**

**Much love and appreciation to my beta Harrytwifan, I must put this lady through a lot when she edits for me, thanks hun. To my pre reader Cheryl, thanks for making me sit down and write, I need the kick sometimes.**

**As always, I own nothing other than plot.**

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**Wednesday 7th August 2013 - Still Week Three - Current weight - 18 Stone, 13 Pounds.**

Hopeless dreams begin to shatter around me, fantasies leaving me all alone as I sit watching Jasper walk in my direction. Despite myself, all I hear running through my mind is the name _Riley;_ five letters I can't seem to help but hate. They echo through me with a sinister tone, like a song being sung by demons, all about to feed on my misery.

The ladies behind me send him their affections, and even Alice is cooing over him by the time he is near us. All I want is to up and leave the room, but the thought of having all eyes upon me as I make my exit leaves me locked in place, fearful of the attention.

Less than five minutes ago, I had a smile stretched across my face, my feet gliding across the room as if I were walking on air. I want to go back to the time when my colourful thoughts were about the kiss we shared; one I hoped to be blessed with again.

Now, as I sit on the hard, plastic chair in the meeting hall, I can't seem to shake this feeling of betrayal. We may not be dating, yet my thoughts are filled with the confirmation Jasper has cheated on me with this Riley person. He may not _actually_ be mine, but in my head he is. In my heart, he wants to love me, and I him. It never crossed my mind to ask if he was available, and now here I sit feeling like an adulterer! I know it doesn't make sense for me to feel this way. Me, the guy who had nobody to call his own to begin with. Somehow though, I still get a sense I'm about to lose someone I hoped would look at me and see past the exterior I have abused over the years.

"You okay, Edward?" he asks, now seated in the spot I wish hadn't been vacant.

"Hmmm," is all I am able to manage, pretending to be engrossed in one of the woman speaking to the group.

I can't help question whether or not I should be this cold towards him, feel this angry. And if I should, can I hand-on-heart say this hostility _is _toward him and not aimed at myself? I hate cheaters. Love is something I have never had, and it riles me when I see people toy with it, like it's nothing more than a game. However unwittingly it might be, I am now one of these people. A guy about to break the heart of another. This isn't the person I want to be, so I have to hold onto this thought and look at him no more.

"What's gotten into you?" Alice whispers beside me, aware of my change in mood.

"Nothing, just listening."

"Thank you, Edward, I'm glad _someone_ is," Esme says. She offers Jasper and Alice a cold look, and speaks to the young girl who is trying to tell us about her week. "Carry on, Bella."

The girl with brown hair shifts uncomfortably on her seat, not liking the attention of the room aimed in her direction. She isn't the only one. I hate having my name called, all eyes poised on me. I despise the way my voice seems to change when I speak, how I struggle to get the words out through the dryness of my throat. It's not like I feel intimidated; it's something I still can't get used to. Public speaking will never be my forte!

"Well, my doctor said when you look at a plate of food, to imagine it filled with energy and not love, because it isn't love . . . apparently." Her gaze seems locked on the floor rather than looking at Esme.

"Clearly, the doctor has never had KFC," Alice chortles, much to the amusement of the room.

The only person not laughing is Esme, who sends another icy look her way. "Well, just remember Bella, if you adhere to the diet one hundred percent, it will work for you one hundred percent. That being said, this is a life change, but it doesn't mean your life has to end to lose weight."

Esme looks around the room at us all, smiling at the familiar faces. "None of us are here because we have a condition making us gain weight. We're here because we have all told ourselves enough is enough and we want to be thinner, feel better about ourselves. We do this for _us_, not to please another person." She turns towards Bella again. "Just have another fantastic week and, if you need anything, I am only a call away."

Jasper uses the surrounding applause of the room to lean across me and speak to Alice. The feel of his hand on my thigh sickens and delights me all at once. "I don't think Esme likes you, Alice." He chortles, sitting back in his seat.

My sister lets out a sound like air rushing from a balloon, but doesn't say a word. Something very out of character for her.

Like previous weeks, the meeting is full of everyone's successes or failures, new food ideas to share with the group, and support for those who need it. Esme even brought along a few ideas, ones she offers to us all. "How many of you have thought, 'I can't diet, it's too expensive'? Or heard this from friends and family?"

Nobody replies to her, instead choosing to mutter amongst themselves, to people seated beside them. Even Alice has found her voice again.

"Does she mean the _actual_ buying of food, or the £4.95 we fork out each week to get weighed?" she mutters to myself and Jasper, taking care to keep her voice low as she eyes Esme with suspicion.

Neither of us get a chance to answer, because Esme's voice has commanded the attention of the room again. She stands in front of us all in a smart, blue suit, her light brown hair falling down her back. "I brought in some food."

Reaching down to pull a bag from behind one of the many tabletop counters used to display the company products, she retrieves a large casserole dish and removes the lid after settling it on the table in front of her. In an instant, my nose becomes a slave to the savory aroma gliding across the room, my stomach joining in song with all the others whose tummies are grumbling from hunger. My mouth waters with the allure of tomato, garlic, and chicken dancing around me.

Esme smiles while the rest of us groan from want, holding up the dish so we can see the contents of pasta and meat within. "Eating out, this would set you back anywhere from £5 to £15 for an average portion, depending on where you dine," she muses, happily. "The whole thing cost me £6 to make, and will feed my family for at least three meals. So dieting _doesn't _ have to cost an arm and a leg."

With everyone talking and laughing, Esme doesn't notice my small group now sniggaring from the fact Alice said she would eat the whole thing in one sitting, and still have room for dessert. Our little banter almost makes me forget the anger I had bubbling inside me less than thirty minutes ago. It's only when I turn to look into the warmth of this chocolate eyes, and see the rust colour of his bruise, I remember. I pull my gaze back to the room.

It may sound strange, but I swear I can see Jasper and Alice giving one another confused looks from either side of me; having a soundless conversation. With the meeting drawing to a close, I jump from my seat and make a speedy attempt to leave, zig-zagging my way through the smiling faces. I reply to everyone's well wishes for a good week with one-word answers, my intent to break into the cooling night my main priority. When I am inches from the door, a hand clasps around my wrist, causing my blood to turn ice cold and my body to freeze in place.

"Edward, what's wrong?"

I don't need to look back to know it's Jasper, his melodic voice trying to tease my emotions and draw me back into the fold of his arms.

_No! Don't fall for it, don't become the person to have your heart broken by a poor imitation of what love should be!_

"Edward?" His addictive voice calls to me from behind, somehow drowning out all other sound around me, like a siren's song.

_That's it. This is what will happen if I go back there. I will be led to my own emotional destruction by a guy with perfect curls and a smile to melt even the hardest of hearts. _

My heart is thumping in my chest, but I don't look back. I can't look back. Tears are already pooling uncontrollably in my eyes and I know, if I see his face, they will flood down my own.

With the small amount of energy I have left, I find a soft voice to reply; my attention on the door, which leads to my sweet escape. "I have to go, Jasper . . . I can't do this . . . we can't."

Breaking the control he has upon me, I run from the room and into the evening downpour. It seems a little poetic to have the skies above reflecting the misery within me by having the heavens open.

People rush past me towards their cars or nearby homes, but as I reach Alice's silver Ford Fiesta, his voice calls from behind me again, followed by a hand on my shoulder. Under the force of his will, he spins me around to face him, and my breath hitches in my throat.

"What's wrong? What did I do?" he pleads, looking at me with innocent eyes.

He isn't innocent, though. He fooled my heart, led me to believe someone could love a person like me, but it's all wrong! Thankful the rain is masking my tears, I watch Jasper stand in front of me with his once-perfect curls sticking to his face from the downpour, his clothes as sodden as my own. It takes all I have left within me not to reach out and gently caress the abrasion on his face, the mark given to him by Riley.

"You lied." The words leave my lips as thunder erupts around us, causing Alice to scream, who has this second caught up with us.

Sensing the thickness of the atmosphere between Jasper and I, she doesn't speak as she gets inside the car and waits for me. I don't move from my spot in the rain, relishing in nature's misery as it falls upon me. "You lied to me," I say again, wanting nothing more than to hide under my duvet with a large packet of crisps; a bag of empty love.

Jasper closes the distance between us, confusion in his face. He shivers from the cold, and I force myself not to feel bad for having him stand with me.

"Lied about what? Tell me, please."

Even under the fall of icy rain, I can feel my cheeks pinking from rage, my blood boiling from his ignorance. How can he not see what he did?

"You kissed me!" I bark, frustration evident in my voice.

I almost growl when he laughs and walks towards me, like it doesn't matter. It may not to him, but kissing someone doesn't happen all the time for me, so I hate the way he appears to push it all aside. "Didn't you like it?"

A harsh wind screams past us, throwing Jasper forward under its attack. Normally I would laugh, because this is my one advantage, standing like a mountain through nature's attack, when those blessed to be skinny get thrown around like a ball in a Ping Pong machine. I can't even smile though, as his question has captivated my every thought.

_Every thought in my head since his lips first met mine has been consumed with the moment we shared, the taste of his tongue against mine._

"Well?" he demands, closing the distance between us again. He doesn't seem angry though, more worried than anything else. "Why are you so mad?"

"Guys, it's pissing down and I have a husband and child waiting for me at home, so either get in and let me drive you both somewhere, or I'm off," Alice shouts through the now open window.

Within the small second it takes me to look at my sister, Jasper has already jumped in the back seat. Although I'm a little bewildered, I take my space in the front.

"Take me home." My voice is timid, my eyes enthralled in the droplets of rain gliding down the windscreen.

"Jasper," Alice says, turning towards him with a smile on her cherry, red lips, "where am I taking you, hun?"

His words seem to cut into me, like every cell in my body is victim to his pain. "I don't live far. Head straight and I will direct you."

Other than the sound of his voice, we remain in silence, Jasper directing my sister like the sat nav she normally uses with Ozzy Osbourne's voice shouting at her. He is right when he says he doesn't live far, because less than ten minutes later, we are parked outside a large, victorian style house, and he practically jumps out of the car.

"Thanks, Alice," he says with a happier tone than he uses when he speaks to me. "Sorry, Edward. Have a good week."

I shouldn't feel bad for doing the right thing, for turning my back upon him so I don't become the reason his relationship with Riley may end.

"You're an idiot. You know that, don't you?" Alice asks, the engine now turned off. "A real fucking idiot!"

Aghast, I scowl at my sister, not trying to hide the annoyance in my voice. "This has nothing to do with you! Keep out of my business!" I demand, sitting back in my seat and folding my arms across my chest in anger.

Alice voices the annoying sigh she makes when someone frustrates her, turning on the engine again before screaming her words at me. "If you ever feel like getting off your fat arse to grow up, you may want to ask Jasper who Riley is!" she says, somehow knowing all I have kept within me, the annoying ability she has had since childhood. "But no, my dear brother, who is _supposed_ to be intelligent, would rather assume the worst than ask him outright. Heaven forbid you use your fucking voice!"

"You don't know anything," I growl. "Start the car or I'm walking home!"

Alice laughs, leans across me, and releases the door so it opens. "Go on then, get out! Oh, and while you're at it, go to Jasper's house and see if he is okay. Then, while you're there, you can meet Riley - his _brother!_"


	5. Chapter 5

**Tough week this week what with my novella coming out, and all the promotion I became obsessed with haha. With help from great friends though, I got through it and managed this update.**

**Big thanks to my pre reader, Cheryl and my beta Nancy – your both amazing.**

**Nano is tomorrow, but I promise to try and update soon.**

**I own nothing, but plot.**

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**Tuesday 20th August. Current weight - don't ask!**

For the first time since joining the slimming club, I find myself struggling, craving the loving embrace of something fatty and bad for me. All the time I seem to be gorging on something I shouldn't. I can't help it! I want to bask in its judgmental calories, feast upon every single bit of sugar. Abusing food again, the place I have sought solace so many times when life outside my four walls becomes too hard, is so easy.

_Down the slippery slope I slide, back to the darkness I wanted to break from. Well done, Edward 'Can't-Stop-Eating' Cullen._ I chastise myself, remembering the name sung to me by other kids at school; those people too good to associate with someone whose belly hung over their school trousers. Not to mention the near heart attacks I used to have when we had to perform any kind of physical activity.

Will I ever manage to turn my life around? Stop over-indulging on takeaways and other foods void of essential vitamins and nourishment?

"Seriously, Ed, if you don't start smiling soon, I may have to pull out a couple of my homemade sex tapes with your sister. Be warned!" Emmett's voice pulls me from my self torture, seeing right through my act of watching TV.

"I'm fine," I grumble, unable to keep the disdain from my tone. "Wait . . . what? That's sick!" I snap, his words sinking into my brain.

Sex tapes of my far too attractive brother-in-law I can deal with; like I haven't caught myself fantasising about him from time to time over the years. But ones involving Alice - no thanks. Even the thought of her doing something like that sickens me. I know a stork didn't bring my niece, but I don't need to be told how Alice gets down and dirty with anyone.

Would she do something so degrading?

Images of my sister flood my mind, the girl who spent years passing her belts off as a skirt, and thinking a bra is enough cover to be classed as a top. Yes, I can _actually_ imagine my sister doing a sex tape.

_Note to self: pour bleach into your eyes when you get home!_ I tell myself, looking over at Emmett. He's sitting across from me on the sofa, still wearing shorts and a vest top from his latest gym session.

"Calm down, princess," he teases, taking a few seconds to laugh at his small joke. "Sex is a beautiful thing."

Glaring at him, I spit out my words. "Not with my sister, it isn't! The last thing I want to think about is her involvement in _any_ kind of sexual activity, thank you!"

Reaching to the small coffee table beside me, I take a sip of the now cold tea, grimacing when I swallow the last of the drink.

"How about a refill?" I ask, shaking my empty mug at him.

Emmett looks at me with a vacant expression on his face, the same one he uses when anyone gives him a tough question. His eyes scan me for a few seconds, before he finds his voice. "What . . . you want _me _to make it?"

"Well, this is _your_ house, and I am the guest. So yeah, chop, chop."

His boisterous laugh booms toward me, his blue eyes sparkling like a summer's clear sky. "I R man," he says, using a neanderthal tone, and beating his chest. "I have a motto I like to use when dealing with your sister: if you want something, then get it yourself."

"And how does that fair for you?" I stifle the laugh building inside me, happy our conversation seems to be lightening my mood.

Emmett leans forward, pointing to his brow. "See this scar?" he offers, smirking my way. "Alice asked me to make her a drink once, and I told her she was a woman and to get in the kitchen . . . This is the scar she gave me when she threw the empty cup at my head."

In unison, our laughter fills the room, both of us holding onto our stomachs we are laughing so hard. When we eventually calm to normal, I get to my feet, grab his empty cup, and head towards the kitchen. I don't even realise he's following me until our bodies almost collide when I turn around to move back into the room.

"Hey, watch it, stalker!"

"You wish! I promised Alice I'd make sure you don't eat any of the cream cake in the fridge," Emmett informs me, unaware of how his words attack my core.

Subtle!

"I do have some level of control, you know!"

_When I'm in public. _I don't tell Emmett this, failing to mention the midnight binge where I sat under the glow of the refrigerator light. The soft haze in the dark kitchen hiding my shame while I fill up on empty calories. They feel so good, though. For those few, short moments they make everything better.

"Listen, Edward." Emmett places his arm around my shoulders and pulls me into a hug, crushing me between his muscles. "Alice told me about your maintain, and the gain you had last week. You can't keep finding love in food, bro."

Dragging myself from his embrace, I force my lips to smile, attempting a timid laugh. "I'm not abusing food. I have stress going on at work. Honest."

I watch my brother-in-law pour hot water into a mug of sweet nectar; strong, black coffee. "Edward, I've known you for years, and like your lovely sister, you have an issue with food."

Rolling my eyes, I frown at the mountain of a man handing me a drink. "Don't let Alice hear you say that."

Afte taking a sip from my mug, I choke when Emmett speaks again. "How many men have you slept with?"

It isn't like my family doesn't know I'm gay, but my mother raised me not to ask such direct questions. His bluntness takes me aback.

He doesn't give me a chance to respond, but instead chuckles out his words. "And I mean _actual_ guys, not figments of your imagination while you snap one off."

The heat rising in my cheeks lets me know I'm blushing, and it doesn't take a genius to know what he means by 'snap one off'. "I don't think I want to have a conversation with you about masturbation, Emm."

He steps in front of me when I try to vacate the kitchen to move back into the living room, my prayers for a change in discussion going unanswered. "Everybody does it, Edward. Stop being a prude, for fuck sake! Anyway, my point is - and yes, I had a point - you can eat all the crap you want, get bigger if you so desire, but you're never going to find love until you love yourself!"

_Emmett McCarty, the philosopher. Who knew?_

His words ring true, and although I'm not on a journey to lose weight so I can find love, I know one thing; I have never spared enough love to give to myself. I vowed to make a change when I began this diet, and for the past two weeks, I have slipped into old ways, eating food I didn't want. All because I'm too afraid to face Jasper. Not to mention the fact I am punishing myself for being too scared to face him.

Closing my eyes, I take a lung full of air, letting it out in a long, slow breath to try and calm myself. The very second I am done, I have made a decision. I need to face Jasper and sort this mess out.

Also, getting away from Emmett's inappropriate questioning is a must.

Since the night in Alice's car, I know I should have gone to Jasper and apologised. The very second my sister told me he had been hit by his brother, I should have been banging down his door to get inside. But no! Not me, not the intelligent person I am supposed to be. Instead, I went home and ordered a large pizza, washing it down with a litre of full-fat coke and a tub of ice cream. Rather than face up to my mistake, I sought comfort in my enemy; food.

I could have called him, or sent him a text, yet I chose to eat myself sick, then beat myself up for it the next day. It hasn't stopped me from buying other junk food, though. For the past two weeks, I have eaten what I wanted and the scale has shown my shame, all because Jasper didn't show up at class the following week, and I _still_ haven't bothered to contact him.

Two weeks ago, I should have done what I am doing now; standing in the bitter rain on his doorstep, my hand inches from the blue, painted wood.

_Knock, for christ sake, knock!_

Somehow I am frozen, and it isn't due to the harsh weather. My heart is pounding, yet still I remain statuesque, unable to will my body to function. Fear keeps me at bay, preventing me from doing something as simple as knocking on a fucking door.

I'm long overdue; I know I am. I should have done this before now, not two weeks later. If he chooses to slam the door in my face, can I blame him, when my actions were so cold, so hostile? All because of a misunderstanding?

Why couldn't I have done this so many days ago?

"You going to stand there all night? Because if you are, can you step aside so I can get out of this rain?"

My breath hitches in my throat, and I force myself to turn and face Jasper. He looks the the same way he did when I last saw him, hair stuck to his face and clothes sodden from the rain. His face is no longer coloured from an attack, though. Unlike the last time we were together, he is smiling at me. It takes all I have within me not to leap into his arms.

_Probably wise, don't want to crush him with my weight._

"Edward?"

"Yes, sorry . . . I. . . " He chuckles at my inability to form a sentence.

Opening the door. he steps inside, turning to me and running his fingers through his hair to shake off the excess water. "You going to stand there all day, or are you coming inside? Come on, it's freezing."

Not saying a word, I step inside without taking my eyes from him. Again he is grinning at me like nothing ever happened, like I didn't shun him the last time we were together.

Taking off his coat to hang on the nearby rail, he moves to close the door behind me, then kicks off his shoes and walks down the small hallway. Taking off my own shoes and coat, I follow Jasper in silence.

"Guys, I'm home. Charlie? Riley?" he calls, leading me into his large kitchen.

The room is filled with every appliance you can imagine, each of them silver or black, sparkling under the small spotlights in the ceiling. I'm so lost in the scene around me, and the smell of autumn flavours filling the room from baking nuts and ginger, I don't notice the middle-aged man behind me until his deep voice makes me jump.

"Hey, Jasp," the tall man with dark hair says, looking at me and smiling. "Riley is in his room. Don't think you will hear much from him tonight. He's doing another jigsaw, and don't worry, we counted all the pieces first."

The two men laugh, and for some reason, I can't keep from joining in. Is this due to nerves? I don't know, but right now I'm chuckling along until attention is turned my way.

"Sorry, Charlie, this is Edward. Edward, this is Charlie Swan. He looks after Riley when I'm working."

Charlie and I nod respectfully at one another. All the while, I wonder why this man looks after Jasper's brother. How old is he exactly, and where are their parents? Question after question runs around inside me.

"Right, got to shoot, guys. See ya tomorrow, Jasper, and nice to meet you, Edward," Charlie says. He offers Jasper a small wink, then ventures out into the night.

When I hear the sound of the door closing, I turn to Jasper, my words betraying me. "What was the wink all about?"

_Stupid question! Of all the ones I could get out there, why this? I should be apologising profusely, not asking questions._

Leaning against the counter, Jasper folds his arms across his chest. "You took your bloody time coming here, Edward Cullen." Even though he is scolding me, his smile is giving him away.

"Sorry." I say, my eyes lingering on the floor.

Jasper laughs again, drawing my gaze back to him. "You know, if you stopped torturing yourself so much and let out what's in your head, then you might be standing here under different circumstances. Don't you get bored of overthinking?"

"I . . . do." The words break from me without even thinking. Jasper laughs again, now busying himself in front of the large coffee maker. "It's, well, nobody told me and I thought . . ."

"You thought the worst is what you thought, Edward." His laughter seems forced this time, but without seeing into his eyes, I'm unable to read his features. "I may be a bastard sometimes, believe me I have been called one, but I'm not a fucking bastard. I would never kiss another guy if I were in a relationship. Regardless of how drunk I might have been at the time."

"How did you know that's what I thought?" My voice is lower than normal.

Jasper turns, handing me a mug of coffee. "Alice called me."

_The bitch! My own sister betrayed me and called him!_

"There you go again, over-thinking," he says, eyeing me over his mug while sipping his coffee.

"I don't overthink!" I bark, much to his amusement. "And if you knew I misunderstood what happened, why didn't you call me and explain?"

He looks at me for a long moment without saying a word, the silence almost deafening. "I was hurt and confused at first, but hurt when Alice called to explain. We may not have known each other for very long, but I thought you knew me well enough to not assume I'm some kind of tart." His words are filled with hurt, and he takes a few moments before speaking again. "Alice thought you needed to come to me, not me to chase you. We didn't think it would take you _this_ long to come and apologise."

"But I haven't apologised," I blurt out, making a mental note to have a strong word with my sister later. What ever happened to family loyalty?

"You're right . . . you haven't." He breaks my mental ramblings, amber eyes piercing through me.

"I'm . . . well, I mean . . . " Pausing to take a breath, I watch him walk towards me. When his fingers settle on my cheek, all words escape my head.

"I think you've tortured yourself enough, Edward. I should have explained, and you should have asked. Let's forget it, put it in the past."

He leans towards me, and I close my eyes, readying my lips to meet with the sweetness of his. Instead, he pulls from me, and I look his way in confusion.

"Drink up, and I will make you another coffee, one without milk. Alice told me about your weight gain." He laughs again, relishing in the fact he's teasing me.

_And he wants me to believe he's never been called a fucking bastard in the past! Today could be that day._

"Wait! I have questions I need answered."

Jasper turns and faces me, a brow raised in question, and a large smile spread across his face. "No apology, yet you demand me to answer questions?"

Ignoring him, I blurt out words I hope will make sense. "Why didn't you come to group? Why did the women at class say Riley hit you again, like it's a regular thing? Why did Charlie count jigsaw pieces like it's a normal thing to do? And why are you so damn forgiving? It's kind of infuriating!"

Jasper seems to be enjoying my ramblings a little too much. If he wasn't so damn cute, I'd have half a mind to throw my mug of coffee at his head. My past indiscretion now forgotten, it is replaced with a need to interrogate him.

"So many questions," he chortles. "I didn't come to group because I had to work, and again, I was kinda pissed at you. So I went to the earlier class."

For a few moments, he shifts uncomfortably on his feet. I watch him fidget with his hair; his eyes looking past me. "The next two questions kind of lead into the same answer. My brother, on occasion, is a victim of violent outbursts. It isn't his fault."

I attempt to speak, to tell him how disgusting it is his brother hits him, and how he appears to dismiss the issue, but he raises his hand to silence me. Normally, this is a pet hate of mine, yet I remain silent.

"Please, let me finish." He takes a long breath, then continues. "Riley has a condition called Aspergers Syndrome, a form of autism. If certain situations become too much, or something disrupts the mental diary he keeps in his head for how his day will progress, he kind of loses it and reacts with rage. This is why Charlie counted the jigsaw pieces, because last time there were some missing and you saw me with a black eye."

He shrugs, the smile back on his face when he looks at me. "It doesn't happen often, and it isn't his fault. He always feels bad afterward. Normally, I leave him to have his outburst, and give him the time he needs to calm down, but I was kinda in a rush to get to class and see you."

Finding myself walking towards him, I take his hand in mine and rest the other on his chest; my fingers feeling the beat of his heart. "I'm sorry, Jasper."

Even with tears pooling in his eyes, he laughs, causing his brow to wrinkle. "Now you apologise, only fourteen days and thirty minutes overdue."

I'm about to thump his chest in frustration, but he leads my lips to his, and I forget my intention. "I'm forgiving, because I like you. Is that so wrong?"

Shaking my head and smiling, I guide his lips back to mine.


End file.
